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Band 9 SampleOpinion EssaySports

Band 9 Opinion Essay

Competitive sports should be banned in schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

271 words
37 minutes
Band 9

Key Features

  • Clear position with balanced acknowledgment
  • Well-developed arguments with specific benefits
  • Academic vocabulary and formal tone
  • Sophisticated grammatical structures

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Band 9 Essay

The role of competitive sports in educational settings has come under increasing scrutiny, with some arguing that the emphasis on competition is harmful to students' wellbeing. While I understand concerns about excessive pressure, I strongly believe that competitive sports have an important place in schools when properly structured and inclusive.

Critics of school sports competitions raise legitimate concerns about the potential negative impacts on students. They argue that an overemphasis on winning can create unnecessary stress and anxiety, particularly for students who are less athletically inclined. Furthermore, competitive environments may foster unhealthy rivalries and elitism, potentially damaging self-esteem and social cohesion among students. There are also concerns about the risk of injuries and the time commitment required, which could detract from academic studies.

However, these concerns, while valid, overlook the numerous benefits that competitive sports offer when implemented appropriately. Physical activity is essential for children's health and development, helping to combat rising obesity rates and promoting lifelong fitness habits. Beyond physical benefits, sports teach valuable life skills including teamwork, discipline, resilience, and the ability to handle both victory and defeat gracefully. These lessons extend far beyond the playing field and prepare students for challenges they will face in adult life. Moreover, participation in sports has been shown to improve academic performance by enhancing concentration and time management skills.

In conclusion, while schools must be mindful of potential negative impacts, I firmly believe that banning competitive sports would be a mistake. Instead, educators should focus on creating inclusive sports programs that emphasize participation, personal improvement, and sportsmanship alongside healthy competition.

(Word count: 271)

Vocabulary Highlights

scrutiny

审查

Band 8

come under increasing scrutiny

inclined

倾向的

Band 8

athletically inclined

elitism

精英主义

Band 9

foster unhealthy rivalries and elitism

sportsmanship

体育精神

Band 9

emphasize participation and sportsmanship

Grammar Highlights

has come under increasing scrutiny (present perfect)

While I understand concerns about... (concessive clause)

when properly structured and inclusive (elliptical clause)

participation in sports has been shown to improve (passive)

Essay Structure

Introduction

Context + thesis statement (disagree)

Body Paragraph 1

Counter-argument: Concerns about stress, elitism, injuries

Body Paragraph 2

Main argument: Health benefits, life skills, academic improvement

Conclusion

Restate position + inclusive approach

Examiner Comments

Task Response

9

Fully addresses the task. Clear position with well-developed arguments.

How fully the question is answered, position is clear, ideas are developed

Coherence and Cohesion

9

Logical organization. Wide range of cohesive devices used appropriately.

Organization, paragraphing, and use of cohesive devices

Lexical Resource

9

Wide range of vocabulary with sophisticated word choice.

Vocabulary range, accuracy, and appropriateness

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

9

Complex structures with full flexibility and accuracy.

Variety and accuracy of grammatical structures

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