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Band 9 SampleDiscussion EssayCompetition

Band 9 Discussion Essay

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to cooperate become more useful adults. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

226 words
31 minutes
Band 9

Key Features

  • Balanced discussion with clear personal opinion
  • Workplace and social perspectives
  • Academic vocabulary
  • Sophisticated structures

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Band 9 Essay

The optimal approach to child development—emphasizing either competitive or cooperative skills—has long divided educators and parents. While both perspectives have merit, I believe that teaching children to cooperate ultimately produces more well-rounded and socially valuable adults.

Advocates of competition argue that it prepares children for the realities of adult life, where individuals must compete for jobs, promotions, and resources. They contend that competitive environments motivate children to excel, develop resilience in the face of failure, and strive for personal improvement. Furthermore, healthy competition can foster innovation and drive progress in ways that complacency cannot.

However, proponents of cooperation emphasize that modern workplaces and societies increasingly require collaborative skills. Complex global challenges—from climate change to pandemics—demand coordinated efforts rather than individual achievement. Children who learn to work effectively in teams, share credit, and support others' success develop emotional intelligence and social skills essential for leadership. Moreover, excessive competition can damage self-esteem, create anxiety, and foster unhealthy rivalries that persist into adulthood.

In my view, while some competitive elements have their place, the ability to cooperate effectively is more valuable in our interconnected world. Educators should prioritize collaborative learning while ensuring that children also develop individual competence and confidence.

(Word count: 226)

Vocabulary Highlights

well-rounded

全面发展的

Band 8

well-rounded adults

complacency

自满

Band 9

complacency cannot

foster

培养

Band 8

foster innovation

interconnected

相互关联的

Band 8

interconnected world

Grammar Highlights

has long divided educators (present perfect)

where individuals must compete (relative adverb)

that complacency cannot (comparative)

while ensuring that children also develop (subordinate)

Essay Structure

Introduction

Context + thesis (cooperation more valuable)

Body Paragraph 1

View 1: Benefits of competition (motivation, resilience)

Body Paragraph 2

View 2: Benefits of cooperation (collaboration, emotional intelligence)

Conclusion

Personal opinion + balanced approach

Examiner Comments

Task Response

9

Fully addresses both sides with a clear personal position.

How fully the question is answered, position is clear, ideas are developed

Coherence and Cohesion

9

Logical organization. Cohesive devices used effectively.

Organization, paragraphing, and use of cohesive devices

Lexical Resource

9

Wide range with sophisticated word choice.

Vocabulary range, accuracy, and appropriateness

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

9

Complex structures with accuracy.

Variety and accuracy of grammatical structures

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