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Band 9 SampleDiscussion EssayTechnology

Band 9 Discussion Essay

Social media has replaced face-to-face interaction. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

298 words
38 minutes
Band 9

Key Features

  • Balanced discussion with clear position
  • Academic vocabulary and collocations
  • Sophisticated use of contrastive language
  • Complex grammatical structures
  • Relevant contemporary examples

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Band 9 Essay

The proliferation of social media platforms has fundamentally transformed how people communicate, with many arguing that digital interactions have supplanted traditional face-to-face contact. While this shift presents certain undeniable benefits, I am of the opinion that the disadvantages, particularly regarding mental health and the quality of relationships, outweigh the advantages.

Admittedly, social media offers numerous conveniences that cannot be overlooked. Firstly, it enables individuals to maintain connections across vast geographical distances, allowing families and friends separated by borders to communicate instantaneously and at minimal cost. Moreover, these platforms facilitate the formation of communities based on shared interests, which can be especially valuable for individuals with niche hobbies or those living in isolated areas. The ability to network professionally and access global perspectives also represents a significant advantage in our increasingly interconnected world.

Nevertheless, the drawbacks of this digital revolution are profound and far-reaching. One major concern is the detrimental impact on mental health; excessive social media use has been inextricably linked to increased rates of anxiety, depression, and loneliness, ironically despite the illusion of constant connectivity. Furthermore, digital communication lacks the nuance and depth of face-to-face interaction—non-verbal cues such as body language and tone are often lost or misinterpreted, leading to superficial relationships. The phenomenon of 'phubbing' (snubbing someone in favor of one's phone) has also eroded the quality of in-person social gatherings.

In conclusion, while social media undeniably offers practical benefits in terms of connectivity and accessibility, I firmly believe that its negative impacts on mental well-being and the depth of human relationships render it a detrimental force when it replaces rather than supplements face-to-face interaction.

(Word count: 298)

Vocabulary Highlights

proliferation

激增

Band 9

proliferation of social media platforms

inextricably

不可分割地

Band 9

inextricably linked to

detrimental

有害的

Band 8-9

detrimental impact on mental health

superseded

取代

Band 8

has superseded traditional face-to-face contact

Grammar Highlights

with many arguing that... (absolute construction)

separated by borders (past participle phrase)

despite the illusion of... (concessive prepositional phrase)

when it replaces rather than supplements... (complex subordinate clause)

Essay Structure

Introduction

Background + thesis statement (disadvantages outweigh)

Body Paragraph 1

Advantages: Connectivity, communities, professional networking

Body Paragraph 2

Disadvantages: Mental health, superficial relationships, phubbing

Conclusion

Restate position with nuanced conclusion

Examiner Comments

Task Response

9

Addresses both sides of the argument equally with a clear personal position. Ideas are thoroughly developed with relevant examples.

How fully the question is answered, position is clear, ideas are developed

Coherence and Cohesion

9

Excellent paragraphing. Cohesive devices are used appropriately and effectively. Clear progression throughout.

Organization, paragraphing, and use of cohesive devices

Lexical Resource

9

Exceptional range of vocabulary with precise word choice. Sophisticated collocations used naturally.

Vocabulary range, accuracy, and appropriateness

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

9

Wide variety of complex structures used with flexibility. Minor errors are extremely rare.

Variety and accuracy of grammatical structures

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Real User Reviews

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Average improvement of 0.8 band, 73% break through the 6.5 plateau

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India

6.57.5(3 weeks)
The analysis showed I wasn't using examples properly. Once I fixed that, my score jumped! The AI feedback was incredibly specific.
Key BreakthroughIdentified Task Response issues
4.8/5
Average Rating
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Analyses Done
73%
Success Rate
+0.8
Avg. Improvement

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