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Band 9 SampleDiscussion EssayInternet

Band 9 Discussion Essay

Should governments have access to citizens' online data for security purposes? Discuss both views and give your opinion.

273 words
37 minutes
Band 9

Key Features

  • Balanced discussion of complex ethical issue
  • Well-developed arguments for both perspectives
  • Sophisticated vocabulary and formal tone
  • Clear personal conclusion

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Band 9 Essay

The question of whether governments should be permitted to access private citizens' online data in the name of national security has become increasingly pertinent in our digital age. While security agencies argue that such surveillance is essential for preventing terrorism and crime, privacy advocates warn of the dangers of unchecked state power. This essay will examine both perspectives before arguing that any data access must be subject to strict judicial oversight.

Proponents of government surveillance maintain that accessing online communications and data is crucial for modern security operations. Terrorist organizations and criminal networks increasingly use encrypted digital platforms to coordinate their activities, making traditional intelligence-gathering methods insufficient. From this perspective, the ability to monitor suspicious online behavior can prevent attacks and save lives. Furthermore, supporters argue that law-abiding citizens with nothing to hide should not object to reasonable security measures that protect the broader society.

However, opponents raise profound concerns about civil liberties and the potential for abuse. They argue that mass surveillance represents an unacceptable intrusion into private life and violates fundamental human rights to privacy and free expression. History demonstrates that surveillance powers granted for security purposes can be misused for political purposes, targeting dissidents, journalists, and minority groups. Additionally, centralizing vast amounts of personal data creates attractive targets for hackers and foreign adversaries, potentially making citizens less secure rather than more so.

In my view, while governments have a legitimate responsibility to protect their citizens, unlimited access to private data poses unacceptable risks to democratic freedoms. Any surveillance should be targeted, based on reasonable suspicion, and authorized by independent judicial oversight rather than executive fiat.

(Word count: 273)

Vocabulary Highlights

pertinent

相关的

Band 9

increasingly pertinent

surveillance

监视

Band 8

mass surveillance

dissidents

持不同政见者

Band 9

targeting dissidents

fiat

命令

Band 9

executive fiat

Grammar Highlights

has become increasingly pertinent (present perfect)

While security agencies argue that... (concessive)

making traditional methods insufficient (result clause)

granted for security purposes (past participle phrase)

Essay Structure

Introduction

Context + both views + thesis statement

Body Paragraph 1

View 1: Security benefits (terrorism prevention)

Body Paragraph 2

View 2: Privacy concerns, potential for abuse

Conclusion

Personal opinion + judicial oversight

Examiner Comments

Task Response

9

Fully addresses both sides with a clear personal position. Arguments are well-developed.

How fully the question is answered, position is clear, ideas are developed

Coherence and Cohesion

9

Logical organization. Cohesive devices used skillfully.

Organization, paragraphing, and use of cohesive devices

Lexical Resource

9

Extensive vocabulary with sophisticated word choice.

Vocabulary range, accuracy, and appropriateness

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

9

Wide variety of complex structures.

Variety and accuracy of grammatical structures

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